Why do you continually make excuse after excuse for me. You pick me up when I am down and send me away with the motivation I need to get through the rough times always. What do I have to show my thanks for this? Nothing. Nothing but my own excuse after excuse when I stumble and fall. I’m tired of being a disappointment to you and more importantly, myself. I know that sounds selfish but there is nothing worse then predicting your own downfalls and trials.I beg you to give me the strength to fight my battles with more then my pitiful devices.
I beg you to give me the strength to stop starving myself whenever I start to spiral into a depression. It’s the only thing I find that can make me feel accomplished and in control.
Make Josh take the scale he bought from Walmart this weekend, back. It’s killing me. Piece by piece.
Give me the reason to rationalize more healthy and productive ways to fight my depression other then starving myself, drinking my liver function less, or popping pills to numb the mundane grind of every day life.I need you, God. And for the first time, I’ve realized how selfish and foolish I have been for turning my back on the one person who has never faltered in His love and support for me. You died for my sins and denying you is like denying the very reason for my existence. I need more faith in my life. I need something to believe in. Something more pure and real for the times when I really fall and feel hopeless. What little religion I had growing up and my 4 years in Catholic high school taught me more about my spirituality and how to conduct myself in faith then I give them credit for. Why would I turn my back on that?I need more from my life. I need You.